He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize