Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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