A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
