Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
