Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
