After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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