No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
