My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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