i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just high enough for therapy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
