Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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