someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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