ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
