I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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