based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
