so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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