So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
