I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
