come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
