whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
