I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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