the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
