Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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