I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
