Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize