My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
