capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
