I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Houston, we have a squirter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
