Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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