That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
