as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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