somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I am morally bankrupt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
