Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
