"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
