If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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