We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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