you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
