i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
