whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
