New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
