the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
