Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
