lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
