I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
