I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
