You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
