there's paper in my vomit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
