Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this will be a night to untag.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
