I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
