wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
