Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
50% drunk capacity currently
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
