You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
