I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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