You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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