i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
