I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
