i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
