you're like a bully in the Christmas story
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
