WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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