hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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