Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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