Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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