Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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