Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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