He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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