I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
