In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
