My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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