I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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