Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
