now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
