you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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