Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
