Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
false alarm, still single
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
