Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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